


Et tu, Sideswipe?

by BalloonArcade



Category: Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Crack, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-15
Updated: 2017-03-15
Packaged: 2018-10-05 18:43:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10314551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BalloonArcade/pseuds/BalloonArcade
Summary: Sideswipe tries hard for Optimus' Human Outreach Initiatives, but he gets most of his information on human holidays from the internet. He figures he's got the point of this wholeIdes of Marchcelebration the humans on their social media networks seem so excited about.





	

Ratchet glared at where the red bane of his existance was shuffling off to the side of Sunstreaker’s medberth, hand rubbing down the back of his neck cabling as if he honestly made a mistake.

Sunstreaker sat with his back in front of Ratchet, a knife lodged deep between his back plating.

“You want to run your excuse by me one more time?” Prowl had dragged them into the Medbay and told Ratchet to comm him when he was done so he could escort them to the brig, while Sideswipe maintained irately that they had been doing their assignment from Optimus.

Sideswipe looked nervously to where Ratchet’s wrench was sitting nearby, he’d already hit him once.

“We were celebrating a human holiday. Remember when Optimus told us we should try to assimilate to some of the human’s culture so we are less, how did he say it, _big and alien_?”

Ratchet rolled his optics. That was not at all how Optimus had stated it, but of course that was all Sideswipe had heard, probably before he and his brother started bickering or playing some secret game along their split-spark twin bond.

“I am well aware of Optimus’ continued outreach programs. Don’t think I forgot about that basketball game he organized in which you ended up in a hoop, laughing and missing an arm when you and Sunstreaker were put on opposing teams.”

The humans in attendance were horrified to see Sideswipe non-plussed and continue playing after his brother intercepted him by removing his arm, and stealing the ball.

“Yea well, I thought we’d make it up to Optimus, show him we were trying and I checked the human internet and well…” He gestured to the knife still lodged deep between Sunstreaker’s plating, “It’s _March 15th_ Ratchet,” Sideswipe finished as if that explained everything.

Sunstreaker himself sat with his arms crossed in front of him, glaring at Sideswipe, supposedly yelling at him over their bond if Sideswipe’s occasional flinches were anything to go by.

“You’re going to have to come up with a better excuse than that Sideswipe, if you think I’m going to help keep you out of the brig for _this_ ," Ratchet gestured to the knife in Sunstreaker's back. "The humans have so many holidays across the planet between their cultures, I stopped attempting to keep track.”

Ratchet could hardly blame the little organics, they lived such short lives, it seemed they had developed a reason to celebrate just about anything: from solar and lunar events, emergence dates, something about dressing up with glucose and scaring others that Sideswipe had taken way too far for weeks, and if Ratchet never saw another bag of coloured cornstarch it would be too soon.

Not to mention their holiday involving rabbits that somehow managed to lay chocolate eggs.

Sunstreaker had rescued Chip from Sideswipe’s persistent insistence the human participate in the hunt for all the “chocolate eggs” the rabbits had hidden around the Ark. What Sideswipe had collected from the shipment of rabbits he had snuck onto the Ark had resolutely NOT been chocolate.

“I did some online research.” Sideswipe explained and Ratchet groaned. Sideswipe and the human internet never equated to anything good. His fragging so called _Jet Pack EXTREME_ youtube channel, he ran with Rewind show casing his stupid stunts, attested to that.

“And according to Tumblr, March 15th is stab your best friend in the back day,” Sideswipe declared as he motioned with his helm toward the knife lodged in yellow plating.

Words clogged in Ratchet’s vocalizer and his optics bulged as he looked at the knife lodged through Sunstreaker’s back plating.

Which human culture practiced such a barbaric custom?

But Sideswipe seemed to take Ratchet’s reaction as encouragement and sidled up close, hopping his aft up onto the berth next to Sunstreaker, facing Ratchet.

“Everyone online was talking about it and making jokes, asking others to send them little pictures of knives if they would stab them in the back, so I thought I’d show Sunny human style that he’s not just my number one twin, he’s my bestest friend.” Sideswipe leaned over and nudged Sunstreaker’s shoulder while he grinned at him.

And before Ratchet could process what was happening, Sunstreaker unsubspaced a knife and jammed it deep into Sideswipe’s back.

“OW! Frag Sunny. That _hurts_.” Sideswipe hissed. Looking over toward Sunstreaker, Sideswipe's optics met his twin's; their ventilations synced as their cooling fans clicked and whirled to life.

“You’re an idiot Sides.” Sunstreaker smirked.

“Love you too Sunny.” Sideswipe smirked right back.

Ratchet bashed their smirking idiot helms together. Fragging split-spark twins, they fed emotionally off each other’s baffling conclusions and insanity.

“You are both idiots. Now turn around next to your brother Sideswipe. There is no way that’s what this human celebration involves, it would be likely fatal if a human was stabbed in the back.” Ratchet huffed.

This was like the rabbit “chocolate eggs” all over again.

Even still, Ratchet sent out a notification banning all March 15th celebrations, just in case any other Autobot got it into their bit cortexes to start declaring their devotion by stabbing each other in the back.


End file.
